The most important traits for choosing a mate for lifelong relationship:
- Choose someone as though you are blind – see what you can feel of that person
- Ability to care for themselves, ability to care for you, devotion, kindness
- Ability to learn, change, grow (open mindedness)
- Willing to be like you (both strong and sensitive)
- Strength and flexibility of a tree in the wind
- Sensitive: ability to see and be alert to things around them
- Willing to show pain when you hurt them and vice versa
- Expressing pain/emotion means someone cares
- No reaction means something is wrong with the feeling function or they have given up on you, they will not allow themselves to be fully human in your presence
- Choose someone who has an inner life
- Someone on their own journey who sees you as a partner and a fellow traveler
- Art, meditation, religion, etc. that they love
- Be merged as one yet entirely separate
- Bond between the two of you can stretch, always existing, never breaking
- Similar passions in life
- Relationship is for making memories together
- Can be simple but must be done together
- Choose someone who has similar values about having children, family roles, finances, etc.
- Decreases friction
- Differences should be worked out before agree to enter into a long term relationship
- Pragmatics being aligned allows for the relationship to soar
- Choose someone who is compassionate, willing & able to listen, giving equal time
- Welcomes differences and balances each other
- Rhythm established after 8-9 years
- Choose someone who can laugh at themselves
- Or someone who can stop an argument mid-sentence
- Being able to overlook certain faults and characteristics
- Qualities you initially find attractive will end up driving you crazy
- Know what you can live with
- Beware dramatic faults: alcoholism, substance abuse, anything that takes them away from their true soul life, someone who hides the truth or covers it up
- Be friends, not just lovers
- Are you willing to do for your partner what you are willing to do for your friends? Listening to their stories, pains, celebrations, etc.
- Choose someone who makes your life bigger rather than smaller
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