You seemed good. I saw the good in you. You put on a good show for people, one that I don’t think is completely false. You’re a good man. But you’ve spent your life perfecting how to hide your true feelings, your true self. I’ve spent years trying to uncover my true self – to let her free and to pull her out from her hiding place. Seems we were never really right for each other from the start.
You said wonderful things to me. You made me believe that you really cared about me, that you wanted to protect me, that you saw a future with me. And maybe you did. But I was really only meant to fill a void, wasn’t I? A void that you can only fill yourself. One that you’ve been trying to fill for a very long time. Maybe you’ll learn that lesson, maybe you won’t. But no one can fill it, not even the next girl. Which you’ve probably already learned. You need more time to heal, my love. You need more time to learn the lesson life has been pushing for you to learn for years now. It was the right thing for both of us to part. I deserve more than what you could give me and you deserve to learn more about what you want and what you need to heal yourself.
Maybe one day, after some time has passed and you’ve done the work you need to do, we can see if there’s still something there for us. But to be honest, there wasn’t really much there to begin with. Our relationship was shallow because you were too afraid to go into the deep end of yourself. I thought it would take time for us to get to know each other more deeply, it was definitely going to take time for me to let you see my depths. But the more time went on, the less I learned about you and the less you cared to learn about me. It felt as if you were so afraid of your own depths that you wouldn’t dare go near mine.
You have a good heart, I believe that with all of mine. And if you faced your demons you could come out the other side and be an incredible force for good. You could pass on the lessons you learned to your kids. You could teach them how to go to war with their own demons, how to overcome the tragedies of life, how to love despite the inevitability of loss. I hope one day you can do that. I hope one day you find the courage within yourself to see how truly worthy you are of fighting for yourself. How the people who love you are dying for you to fight for yourself. Because if you learn to love who you are, you can show up in the world as an incredible man who can bring so much strength and joy and light to the world. You are a magical human and I hope that one day you can see that within yourself and live a beautiful life that soothes your soul.
moodybreadcrumbs 